{"id":1325,"date":"2008-11-16T00:35:41","date_gmt":"2008-11-16T05:35:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/?p=1325"},"modified":"2022-09-18T16:27:09","modified_gmt":"2022-09-18T20:27:09","slug":"ridley-scott-legend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/ridley-scott-legend\/","title":{"rendered":"Girls and Their Unicorns: Ridley Scott’s Legend"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ridley Scott’s 1986 fantasy experiment Legend<\/em> features a very young Tom Cruise (before he was “Tom Cruise”), costarring opposite vats upon vats of glitter. Cruise’s performance is bizarre and high-pitched, composed of crouched poses and unfocused stares. But to be fair, how else would any actor portray an uncivilized wild-child with a weirdly mundane name like Jack? Mia Sara is unmemorable as Princess Lily, save for the spectacularly plunging neckline she sports in the second half of the film (during which many parents were no doubt covering the eyes of their innocents).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is plenty of very pretty cinematography to be enjoyed, but this blogger regrets to report that Legend<\/em> is awful and almost painful to sit through. I recall loving the roughly contemporary fantasy film The Dark Crystal<\/em><\/a> (1982) as a child, but ruined the pleasant memory by watching it again as an adult and discovering it to be tedious and condescending (with, granted, some incredible puppetry and art direction). Perhaps if I had seen Legend<\/em> as a kid I might feel similarly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Tom
That nice Cruise boy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The entire plot hinges on the kinds of typically arbitrary rules that characterize the fantasy genre. Pay attention, kids: only a virgin can touch a unicorn, it seems, but alas, they should never do so, lest the sun set forever and the world be consumed by The Lord of Darkness (Tim Curry). What’s a virgin, you ask? Shush.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not inconsiderable running time is taken up with awkward slapstick involving midgets, de rigueur in every movie fantasy since Terry Gilliam’s Time Bandits<\/em>. Speaking of, Gilliam’s dark romp is by far the best of the 1980s heyday of fantasy movies — a genre not to return to prominence for almost two decades until the lucrative franchises Harry Potter<\/em>, The Lord of the Rings<\/em>, His Dark Materials<\/em>, and The Chronicles of Narnia<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Mia
Girls and their unicorns! This can only end in tears.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Even the old-school optical special effects are crummy, for which it is no excuse to say the film came before the age of CGI. The unicorns’ rubber horns visibly wobble, and a fluttering Tinkerbell-like fairy creature is a painfully obvious little lightbulb mounted on a wire discernible even on a low-resolution TV screen. No inch of skin is left unpainted with glitter, and never have bubble machines worked so overtime since The Lawrence Welk Show. But perhaps the most puzzling detail of all is in the sound design: unicorns sing whalesong, evidently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All sorts of questions arise as screenwriter William Hjortsbertg’s plot comes to its trainwreck conclusion: What happens to The Prince of Darkness’ evilly goading mother? In comparison, Roger Avary and Neil Gaiman’s brilliant Beowulf<\/em> script did not fail to explore the vast Freudian story potential of a monster’s manipulative mother. And where did the last surviving unicorn find its mate at the end? Did the unicorn killed earlier in the film revive somehow, and if so, why? Even Disney’s Bambi<\/em> didn’t chicken out by resuscitating the murdered mother.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ridley Scott’s 1986 fantasy experiment Legend features a very young Tom Cruise (before he was “Tom Cruise”), costarring opposite vats upon vats of glitter. Cruise’s performance is bizarre and high-pitched, composed of crouched poses and unfocused stares. But to be fair, how else would any actor portray an uncivilized wild-child with a weirdly mundane name […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4333,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,2],"tags":[1469,42,869,867,36,868,41,43,866],"class_list":["post-1325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-1-star","category-movies","tag-1469","tag-fantasy","tag-glitter","tag-mia-sara","tag-ridley-scott","tag-tim-curry","tag-tom-cruise","tag-unicorn","tag-william-hjortsbertg"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/legend-ridley-scott-unicorn.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa9lhB-ln","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1330,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/ridley-scott-someone-to-watch-over-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":1325,"position":0},"title":"Material Witness: Ridley Scott’s Someone to Watch Over Me","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"November 20, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Ridley Scott's Someone to Watch Over Me (1987) is more of a drama than a police thriller, refreshingly focused on its characters over suspense and action alone. Mike Keegan (Tom Berenger) is a salt-of-the-earth Queens detective assigned to protect material witness Claire (Mimi Rogers) from assassination. Keegan is a modest\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "2 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"2 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/2-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/someone-to-watch-over-me-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/someone-to-watch-over-me-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/someone-to-watch-over-me-feature.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/someone-to-watch-over-me-feature.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/someone-to-watch-over-me-feature.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1342,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/ridley-scott-white-squall\/","url_meta":{"origin":1325,"position":1},"title":"Jeff Bridges battles the elements in Ridley Scott’s White Squall","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"November 27, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"By 1996, Ridley Scott had worked in almost every typical feature film genre: most notably historical drama (The Duellists, 1492), science fiction (Alien, Blade Runner), and police thrillers (Someone to Watch Over Me, Black Rain). But White Squall straddles several genres, sometimes all at once: coming-of-age melodrama, adventure, courtroom drama,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "3 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"3 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/3-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"White Squall","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/white-squall-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/white-squall-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/white-squall-feature.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/white-squall-feature.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/white-squall-feature.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1368,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/ridley-scott-body-of-lies\/","url_meta":{"origin":1325,"position":2},"title":"A Clash of Faiths: Ridley Scott’s Body of Lies","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"January 6, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Ridley Scott's follow up to the gentle comedy of A Good Year and the crime drama American Gangster (partly modeled, I think, on Michael Mann's epic Heat), returns to the politically-themed yet still action-oriented territory he first visited in Black Hawk Down. The key difference here is that, like Peter\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "2 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"2 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/2-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/body-of-lies-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/body-of-lies-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/body-of-lies-feature.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/body-of-lies-feature.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/body-of-lies-feature.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5740,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/what-makes-steven-spielbergs-war-of-the-worlds-unique-also-sabotages-it\/","url_meta":{"origin":1325,"position":3},"title":"What makes Steven Spielberg’s War of the Worlds unique also sabotages it","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"November 7, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Although easily overlooked among the Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise filmographies, I actually rather enjoy their 2005 War of the Worlds remake. Unfortunately, what makes it unique also sabotages it: It's practically a requirement for the alien invasion genre that the protagonist be the big hero that saves the world.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "3 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"3 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/3-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"War of the Worlds","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/war-of-the-worlds-2005.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/war-of-the-worlds-2005.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/war-of-the-worlds-2005.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/war-of-the-worlds-2005.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/war-of-the-worlds-2005.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1335,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/ridley-scott-black-rain\/","url_meta":{"origin":1325,"position":4},"title":"Michael Douglas vs. the yakuza in Ridley Scott’s Black Rain","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"November 26, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Ridley Scott's police thriller Black Rain (1989) opens in New York City at a time when The Meatpacking District actually was a meatpacking district. Tough cop Nick (Michael Douglas) is a ridiculously aggressive, foul-mouthed tough guy who tools around the city astride his crotch rocket. The despised Internal Affairs department\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "2 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"2 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/2-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/black-rain-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/black-rain-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/black-rain-feature.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/black-rain-feature.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/black-rain-feature.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1272,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/ridley-scott-duellists\/","url_meta":{"origin":1325,"position":5},"title":"Ridley Scott adapts Joseph Conrad’s The Duellists","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"November 9, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Ridley Scott's first feature film The Duellists (1977) is based on the Joseph Conrad short story \"The Duel.\" Feraud (Harvey Keitel) and D'Hubert (Keith Carradine), two French soldiers serving under Napoleon, become loyal enemies locked in a lifelong adversarial relationship. D'Hubert, eager to appease his superiors and advance his career,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "3 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"3 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/3-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Duellists","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/duellists-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/duellists-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/duellists-feature.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/duellists-feature.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/11\/duellists-feature.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1325","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1325"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1325\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5904,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1325\/revisions\/5904"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4333"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1325"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1325"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1325"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}