{"id":317,"date":"2006-07-12T21:58:24","date_gmt":"2006-07-13T04:58:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/2006\/07\/12\/the-dork-report-for-july-12-2006\/"},"modified":"2023-04-17T09:53:56","modified_gmt":"2023-04-17T13:53:56","slug":"the-dork-report-for-july-12-2006","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-dork-report-for-july-12-2006\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dork Report for July 12, 2006"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>The 2006 <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.bulwer-lytton.com\" target=\"_blank\">Bulwer-Lytton Prize<\/a> winner Jim Guigli (guest submission from <em>femme fatale<\/em> Andrea):<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>&#8220;Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you&#8217;ve had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.&#8221;<\/p>\n<cite>Jim Guigli<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Jeffrey Zeldman puts designers&#8217; everyday frustrations <a rel=\"noopener\" href=\"http:\/\/www.zeldman.com\/2006\/07\/06\/equal\/\" target=\"_blank\">into perspective<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Don&#8217;t mess with <a rel=\"noopener\" href=\"http:\/\/news.bbc.co.uk\/2\/hi\/asia-pacific\/5172292.stm\" target=\"_blank\">Joey<\/a> the flesh-eating &#8216;roo. (guest submission from hippity-hoppity Jill Andrea)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>More Hoff: <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Secret Agent Man<\/span> (video no longer online). Amazingly, just as in his last video classic <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Get Into My Car<\/span> (link no longer online: www.perezhilton.com\/topics\/listen_to_this\/watch_listen_to_this_the_hoff_makes_us_hot_20060702.php), his massive ego appears to have kept him filmed in separation from the scantily glad girls again. (guest submission from Bond Girl Andrea)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Snakes on a Plane<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Snakes on a book: a <a rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20080206150139\/http:\/\/fangoria.com:80\/news_article.php?id=2317\" target=\"_blank\">love letter to New Line<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>A couple of well-scrubbed young hotties distract Dept. of Homeland Security employees and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Bring It<\/span> (video no longer online).<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Esquire takes a <a href=\"https:\/\/classic.esquire.com\/article\/2006\/8\/1\/the-snakes-on-a-plane-problem\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">sober look<\/a>: \u201cIt&#8217;s not a bad movie that&#8217;s accidentally good, and it&#8217;s not a good movie that&#8217;s intentionally bad; it&#8217;s a disposable movie that people can pretend to like ironically, even though a) it&#8217;s not ironic and b) they probably won&#8217;t like it at all.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Japanese tv has the answer: what to do if you have <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">too much stuff<\/span> (video no longer online), complete with anachronistic brassy calypso score. (guest submission from Dave)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Thousands of layoffs<\/span> (no longer online: online.wsj.com\/public\/article\/SB115258401032003019-JvwJXcKU8cCSAU7Il5cAGpRhKKE_20060810.html)? Note to self: now is not the time to send AOL your resume.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20070824101952\/http:\/\/www.stevelima.com:80\/futuro.html\" target=\"_blank\">Futuro Mash-Up<\/a>. (guest submission from DJ Andrea)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How much Rock will $699 buy? How about all 10 Led Zeppelin studio albums remastered on 45rpm, 12&#8243; single-sided vinyl. As standard lps are 33rpm and double-sided, this comes to a whopping 48 records of glorious songs about ringwraiths and fucking!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Prize winner Jim Guigli (guest submission from femme fatale Andrea): &#8220;Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you&#8217;ve had your last burrito for a while, whose face [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8340,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"single-mini","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dork-report"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa9lhB-57","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":177,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-dork-report-for-march-17-2006\/","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":0},"title":"The Dork Report for March 17, 2006","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"March 17, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Who ever said labels were misleading? A surprisingly good article on the digital future of movies in Time. All the right filmmakers are interviewed, with lots of interesting (and sometimes bitchy) things to say: Mann, Shyamalan, Lucas, Rodriguez, Soderberg. A for Alan, Part Two. You can cut the irony with\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Dork Report&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Dork Report","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/dork-report\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Dork Report","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":524,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-dork-report-for-december-6-2006\/","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":1},"title":"The Dork Report for December 6, 2006","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"December 6, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"A Doctor Who Magazine poll picks David Tennant as the best Doctor, above no less than legend Tom Baker! Spotted on Behind the Sofa, with whose own list I also cannot agree. Who are these people? For my (US) money, here are the best Doctors: Tom BakerChristopher EcclestonDavid TennantSylvester McCoyPeter\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Dork Report&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Dork Report","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/dork-report\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Dork Report","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":504,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-dork-report-for-november-16-2006\/","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":2},"title":"The Dork Report for November 16, 2006","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"November 16, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Weird Al\" Yankovic, not only a brilliant satirist, is also a shrewd collaborator: check out his new video with Jib Jab: Do I Creep You Out (no longer online: JibJab.com\/weird_al\/do_i_creep_you_out). Entertainment Weekly tasks a Star Wars virgin (no longer online: ew.com\/ew\/report\/0,6115,1558880_1_0_,00.html) to watch all six Star Wars films in chronological\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Dork Report&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Dork Report","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/dork-report\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Dork Report","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":221,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-dork-report-for-may-19-2006\/","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":3},"title":"The Dork Report for May 19, 2006","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"May 19, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"A well-written rant about photorealistic videogames also holds true as to why Polar Express was one of the worst movies I've ever seen (yes, I'm still mad about that). (spotten on Kottke.org) Katamari Damacy embroidery & pillow on Boing Boing. Real-life Parrots on a Plane (no longer online: iamtv.tv\/snakesonaplane). (spotted\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Dork Report&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Dork Report","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/dork-report\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Dork Report","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":333,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-dork-report-for-july-22-2006\/","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":4},"title":"The Dork Report for July 22, 2006","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"July 22, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"More wild Apple speculation: eBooks alongside a full-screen iPod and movie downloads? (spotted on MacRumors) More details on K-9 and Sarah Jane Smith's return to TV, with pictures! (spotted on Outpost Gallifrey) Kottke highlights an Independent cover graphic that briliantly illustrates international reaction to the war. Nutjob UN Ambassador John\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Dork Report&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Dork Report","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/dork-report\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Dork Report","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":357,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-dork-report-for-august-1-2006\/","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":5},"title":"The Dork Report for August 1, 2006","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"August 1, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Hi Iconfactory, welcome back! You look so pretty and so Web 2.0-y! Loads of new stuff, including possibly the first useful desktop widget ever (I'm not a fan of widgets) and a huge new suite of free awesome robot icons. Turns out Peter Jackson had a few feet of leftover\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Dork Report&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Dork Report","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/dork-report\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Dork Report","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=317"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8573,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317\/revisions\/8573"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8340"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}