{"id":8,"date":"2005-08-10T07:24:38","date_gmt":"2005-08-10T11:24:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/?p=8"},"modified":"2022-10-25T11:30:14","modified_gmt":"2022-10-25T15:30:14","slug":"alexander","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/alexander\/","title":{"rendered":"By Zeus’ beard, Oliver Stone’s Alexander is bad"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ugh. I should have listened to the myriad critics and friends who warned me off Oliver Stone’s Alexander<\/em>… it is indeed quite bad. Everything you’ve heard is true: impossibly long, unintelligibly edited (can anyone explain to me Alexander’s supposedly brilliant scheme in the first battle? Running away and coming back will allow greater access to strike the enemy king exactly how?), and schizophrenic with regards to its sexual politics. So Alexander was bisexual, fine. But in this day and age, doing anything to avoid showing an onscreen kiss just calls attention to itself. Two pretty men gazing at each other and saying things like “By Zeus’ beard, you are indeed a great<\/em> man” is just comical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And most amusingly: if accents are to be judged, Angelina Jolie<\/a>‘s character hails from Transylvania, and Alexander and his father came to Greece by way of down the pub. In fact, the kid who plays the young Alexander sounds more Irish than Colin Farrell<\/a> himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Angelina<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I rented the director’s cut, which bucks the trend in actually being shorter<\/em> than the theatrical version (the only other director I know of to do this is Stanley Kubrick<\/a>, who would often continue to abridge films even during release). At 3 hours, 55 minutes, I am quite glad I didn’t decide to go with the theatrical version.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What was good about it? Jolie is always a pleasure to watch – an old-school movie star in the sense that her presence and beauty are so overpowering that she might as well be from another planet. I’ve always thought Val Kilmer<\/a> was a fine actor (especially in the underrated Spartan<\/em>). And in a suprisingly plain-looking movie for Oliver Stone<\/a>, it’s a great relief when he finally cuts loose in the surreal, literally blood-soaked sequence of Alexander’s near-fatal wounding in India.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ugh. I should have listened to the myriad critics and friends who warned me off Oliver Stone’s Alexander… it is indeed quite bad. Everything you’ve heard is true: impossibly long, unintelligibly edited (can anyone explain to me Alexander’s supposedly brilliant scheme in the first battle? Running away and coming back will allow greater access to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5087,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,2],"tags":[1374,1375,1377,1286,1337,242,1376,1304],"class_list":["post-8","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-2-stars","category-movies","tag-alexander-the-great","tag-angelina-jolie","tag-anthony-hopkins","tag-colin-farrell","tag-jared-leto","tag-oliver-stone","tag-rosario-dawson","tag-val-kilmer"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2005\/08\/alexander-feature.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa9lhB-8","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1248,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/w\/","url_meta":{"origin":8,"position":0},"title":"Oliver Stone skips over the defining moments of George W. Bush’s life in W.","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"October 23, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I had the same issues with Oliver Stone's W. that I do with every biopic. As virtually every feature film biography attempts to do the job of a book, they inevitably fall into the same trap: they become highlights reels that merely illustrate key moments in a real-life figure's life,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "2 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"2 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/2-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/oliver-stone-w-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/oliver-stone-w-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/oliver-stone-w-feature.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/oliver-stone-w-feature.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/oliver-stone-w-feature.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":173,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-ice-harvest\/","url_meta":{"origin":8,"position":1},"title":"The Ice Harvest","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"March 13, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"I think, but I'm not sure, this is supposed to be a comedy. Honestly, The Ice Harvest is one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. 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That I find it so funny and purely enjoyable is really saying something, considering its milieu is the joblessness, desperation, and looming international conflict of The Great Depression. The pitch: a loving\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "4 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"4 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/4-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/impostors-central-park.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/impostors-central-park.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/impostors-central-park.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/impostors-central-park.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/11\/impostors-central-park.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":178,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/the-dork-report-for-march-20-2006\/","url_meta":{"origin":8,"position":3},"title":"The Dork Report for March 20, 2006","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"March 21, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"A third 2,500 year-old sarcophagus (no longer online: us.cnn.com\/2006\/WORLD\/europe\/03\/20\/cyprus.coffin.ap) found in Cyprus, with illustrations from Homer. The US and Britain each already have one; who gets to cart this one home? Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blogge (no longer online: houseoffame.blogs.friendster.com\/my_blog). (guest submission by Dave) In what can only be evidence\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "The Dork Report"","block_context":{"text":"The Dork Report","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/dork-report\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Dork Report","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/dork-report.png?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1253,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/recount-dvd-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":8,"position":4},"title":"The plural of chad is chad in HBO’s Recount","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"October 23, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"The 2008 HBO television movie Recount dramatizes the traumatic few weeks at the close of the 2000 Presidential election. That hectic time brings back three distinct feelings for this blogger: bewilderment at the founding fathers' purpose for the Electoral College (as everyone no doubt remembers, it was never in doubt\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "2 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"2 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/2-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/recount-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/recount-feature.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/recount-feature.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/recount-feature.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/recount-feature.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":937,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/batman-dark-knight\/","url_meta":{"origin":8,"position":5},"title":"Batman wants to be taken seriously in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"August 9, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I really wanted to like The Dark Knight. Director Christopher Nolan (also cowriter with brother Jonathan) and star Christian Bale have long proved themselves thoughtful, serious filmmakers, but if they have one common flaw it might be a terminal deficiency of levity. 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