{"id":9,"date":"2005-08-11T10:33:54","date_gmt":"2005-08-11T17:33:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/?p=9"},"modified":"2022-10-26T18:14:33","modified_gmt":"2022-10-26T22:14:33","slug":"spam-poem-no-1-here-we-come","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/spam-poem-no-1-here-we-come\/","title":{"rendered":"Spam Poem No. 1: “Here we come!”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In recent months I’ve noticed my spam becoming increasingly bizarre. Some subject lines are so truly absurd that I cannot imagine their origin. Are they simply really bad translations of, say, Russian or Portuguese? Are they random machine generations meant to foil spam filters? It’s a mystery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It has, however, made my daily batch of spam less of a nuisance and more a source of amusement. In a way, I feel lucky for my email address to have been captured on some particularly strange mailing lists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, a line is strangely poignant: “He worry in unabridged volumes.” Perhaps this unnamed protagonist simply needs more Viagara or a new Nigerian Ponzi scheme in which to invest, but doesn’t it just break your heart that he worries that<\/em> much?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which brings me to what may be the first in a series of found Spam Poems<\/a>. I’ve started compiling these sometimes gibberish, sometimes evocative lines into verse. Each line is a complete spam subject line, completely unedited. The only thing I’ve done is arrange them in stanzas with an ABAB rhyming scheme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This first poem launches with a strong declaration and call to action, explores historic strife and existentialism in the second stanza, and then looks deep into the soul’s insecurities in the third. I hope you like it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here We Come!<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

here we come! stop deconvolution
That organise go bantamweight
Be open he loon affliction
Have buy as evaporate<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be want do holocaust galaxy
dedicated to you occident inflater
My travel on minstrelsy
Which rules are in effect here? devilish calorimeter<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A speak my scared fixedly
my wife onerous carmine
you tell do exercise villainies
As turnon an vine<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In recent months I’ve noticed my spam becoming increasingly bizarre. Some subject lines are so truly absurd that I cannot imagine their origin. Are they simply really bad translations of, say, Russian or Portuguese? Are they random machine generations meant to foil spam filters? It’s a mystery. It has, however, made my daily batch of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3292,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[1406,1167,1168,1404,1405,1407],"class_list":["post-9","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spam-poetry","tag-flarf","tag-poem","tag-poetry","tag-spam","tag-spoem","tag-spoetry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/04\/spoetry.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa9lhB-9","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":104,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/spam-poem-no-3-general-flood\/","url_meta":{"origin":9,"position":0},"title":"Spam Poem No. 3: “General Flood”","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"December 18, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Please enjoy \"General Flood\", the third in our ongoing series of flarf (spam poetry), assembled from the nonsense I find in my spam folder. General Flood thank god I'm back nowImportant questiondid you hear about thisgeneral flood you won't believe thisbereavemententering the line ofpopulations if left after flooding isit, Will\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spam Poetry"","block_context":{"text":"Spam Poetry","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/spam-poetry\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/04\/spoetry.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":205,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/flarf-gesundheit-more-spam-poetry-prior-art\/","url_meta":{"origin":9,"position":1},"title":"Flarf! Gesundheit. More Spam Poetry prior art","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"April 20, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Forget \"spoetry\"; according to Boing Boing, experiments in the field stretch back a few years, and were known as \"flarf\". The Flarf Festival is a series of live events in New York City between April 20-22. For archival purposes, here are my own three attempts: General Flood250 Ways to Thank\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spam Poetry"","block_context":{"text":"Spam Poetry","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/spam-poetry\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/04\/spoetry.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":43,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/spam-poem-no-2-250-ways-to-thank-you\/","url_meta":{"origin":9,"position":2},"title":"Spam Poem No. 2: “250 Ways to Thank You”","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"September 24, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"The second in a series of found poetry taken from spam subjects. I'm taking a different tack this time, avoiding the more absurdist lines that appear in No. 1 \"Here we come!\" (there's plenty more of that waiting for No. 3) and aiming instead for a coherent narrative flow. 250\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Spam Poetry"","block_context":{"text":"Spam Poetry","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/spam-poetry\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/04\/spoetry.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2635,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/visualizing-the-invisible-bright-star\/","url_meta":{"origin":9,"position":3},"title":"Jane Campion Visualizes the Invisible, in Bright Star","author":"Chad Ossman","date":"December 4, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"As an English Major in another life, I'm not uninterested in poetry, or Keats in particular. But movies about poetry are another matter. It's difficult to imagine a less natural source material for the eminently visual medium of cinema than poetry. You can mute the sound, drain the color, or\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "3 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"3 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/3-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Bright Star","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/bright-star.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/bright-star.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/bright-star.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/bright-star.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/bright-star.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5695,"url":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/toys-shoot-to-kill-in-g-i-joe-retaliation\/","url_meta":{"origin":9,"position":4},"title":"Toys shoot to kill in G.I. 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Certainly not because it's \"bad,\" for could I make a better movie myself? Could I make a movie at all? And who appointed me\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "3 Stars"","block_context":{"text":"3 Stars","link":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/category\/ratings\/3-stars\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/03\/assassination-of-jesse-james-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/03\/assassination-of-jesse-james-1.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/03\/assassination-of-jesse-james-1.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/03\/assassination-of-jesse-james-1.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/03\/assassination-of-jesse-james-1.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7783,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9\/revisions\/7783"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3292"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadossman.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}