Thinking Out Loud

Author: Chad Ossman

  • The Dork Report for June 7, 2006

    The Dork Report for June 7, 2006

    Fake is the new real: Photoshop before-and-afters make two women whom anybody would say are pretty seem fugly when juxtaposed with their digitally airbrushed clones: extreme makeover 1, extreme makeover 2. (with reporting by Dave)

    Darwin busts a move. [update: no longer online: outube.com/watch?v=BIeIWkK0t4s]

    Finally a NYC dive bar with real ambience [no longer online: nytimes.com/2006/06/04/magazine/04funny_humor.html]. Hey, I own that cd!

    Every Mac user knows Mail.app “got beaten with the ugly stick,” but now The People are rising up against the Apple GUI fascists: stretch it sideways [update: no longer online: harnly.net/software/letterbox.html] and give it a shot of digital botox. (spotted on Kottke.org & IconFactory)

    Microsoft succeeded with standardizing screen fonts before, including Verdana and Arial (although many people rue the latter), and now they’re at it again. (spotted on Kottke.org)

  • Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amélie Poulain

    Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amélie Poulain

    One of my favorite films of all time. It’s just such a movie, you know? The same is true of virtually all of Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s films; I have such fond memories of seeing Delicatessen on a crappy 16mm print at college, City of Lost Children at the Cambridge Film Festival, and Amélie and A Very Long Engagement at the Paris Theater in New York City. We won’t mention Alien Resurrection, OK?

    Although a big hit in France, my understanding is that there was something of a backlash against it, due in part to its literally candy-colored portrayal of a storybook Montemartre far removed from reality. Also, a reviewer in Sight & Sound (a film journal whose opinion I nearly always respect, if not always agree with) utterly slammed the film, apparently personally offended by the sexual politics. But I find Amélie so delightful, inventive, and so full of feeling that I can confidently state anybody that hates this movie just hates movies, period.

  • The Dork Report for June 5, 2006

    The Dork Report for June 5, 2006

    Looks like Spider-Man 3 is digging deep into the Webhead’s long and storied Rogue’s Gallery. (guest submission from Spider-Girl Andrea)

    Lost Season three secrets revealed. (guest submission from Spoiler Alert Andrea)

    Cute Overload gets a Web 2.0 makeover.

    Apple interviews Jerry Harrison on the Talking Heads Brick.

    Kids, gather round the creepy robot lady for nightmare storytime! (spotted on David Byrne’s Journal)

  • The Dork Report for June 1, 2006

    The Dork Report for June 1, 2006

    Fight Club’s narrative web illustrated by Lego. (spotted on Kottke.org)

    Why I’m a Mac user, reason no. 3,725. (guest submission from Dave)

    Why I’m a Mac user, reason no. 3,726. I’m especially impressed by the “Simplified” Device Setup. Simple!

    Why I’m a Mac user, reasons no. 3,727-3,747. (guest submission from Dave)

  • The Dork Report for May 31, 2006

    The Dork Report for May 31, 2006

    Wow, both sides of the isle are getting the axe. Adobe will nix Macromedia Freehand in favor of Illustrator and Adobe GoLive in favor of Dreamweaver. My belove-to-hate Macromedia Fireworks, however, lives for now. Also of note is this article about merging the two massive sites, even though it uses made-up words like “architected.”

    Computers take the mystery out of Mona’s voice [no longer online: cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/05/31/mona.lisa.voice.reut] and smile. (guest submission from Priceless Work of Art Andrea)

    I’m Level Five, if I do say so myself, with occasional and hopefully rare incidences of Level Four. (guest submission from Dave)

    Another group lays claim to the Holy Land. (guest submission from Dave)

    Robin has two mommies. Hooray for diversity in popular media, but imagine having to explain this one to your 8-year-old reading his first comic book. (guest submission from Secret Identity Rainbow Andrea)

    Spider-Man comes to town, and he’s brought his alien symbiote buddy with him. (guest submission from Fairweather Comic Dork Andrea)

  • Orson Welles’ F for Fake is part documentary, part essay, part practical joke

    Orson Welles’ F for Fake is part documentary, part essay, part practical joke

    F for Fake is Orson Welles’ last completed movie: part documentary, part essay, part practical joke. Welles portrays himself much as one might imagine him: a robust raconteur settled in for the long haul at a good restaurant, surrounded by educable pretty young things, eating and telling tall tales with great relish.

  • The Dork Report for May 30, 2006

    The Dork Report for May 30, 2006

    Stock photography cliches. They missed the ubiquitous asian guy with glasses (usually holding a Zip disk) who was everywhere during the dot-com boom.

    Woooooo… creepy. (spotted on Fortean Times)

    More awesome weirdness. (spotted on Fortean Times)

    Gary Trudeau does in the funny pages what should be on the front.

    The first Lost action figure is Charlie pulling a Night of the Hunter. And just as an aside, remember when action figures were poseable?

    Decepticons got they ass kicked, Transformas still old-skool like Coke Classic. (guest submission from Dave)

    A part useful, part nonsense Lost flowchart (no longer online: pop.wizbangblog.com/images/2006/05/lostx.php). (guest submission from Everything is Connected Andrea)

    Picturehouse President Bob Berney tells the Boston Globe: “I don’t think the audience cares how the film is financed or distributed.” Well, duh! But at least somebody from Hollywood apparently gets that. (no longer online: boston.com/ae/movies/articles/2006/05/28/new_wave_of_indie_cinema_fights_power_of_hollywood)

    The official Snakes on a Plane site (no loner online: snakesonaplane.com) launches a new “Snake Kit” feature… but you have to cough up your name, email, and birthdate.

    AppleInsider reports on Adobe Apollo. Good news: Adobe claims it won’t merge Flash Player and Adobe Reader, as originally threatened. Bad news: looks like the corporate concept of Flash as online application development platform prevails. In other words, it’s being positioned further away from interactive designers (that is to say, me) and even more towards software engineers and programmers.

    Forget Batman vs. Superman (no longer online: batman-versus-superman.com) or Jesus vs. Elvis (no longer online: infidels.org/misc/humor/jesus_vs_elvis.html), here’s the real contest: Neo vs. Robocop, Clint & Yoda (no longer online: ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2729649).

    Brian Eno is on the upcoming Roxy Music album after all?

    The head of music at Virgin Megastores is going around telling people vinyl is outselling cds on new releases.

  • Brett Ratner’s X-Men III: The Last Stand is lost in a densely self-referential world

    Brett Ratner’s X-Men III: The Last Stand is lost in a densely self-referential world

    God help me, but I agree with Harry Knowles’ review. Sometimes you need a fanboy to point out what’s wrong with a movie crafted for fanboys. He picked up on the absurdly sensitive Wolverine, the important Phoenix backstory cursorily related in hammy exposition, and the sudden and arbitrary shifts from day to night. But the worst crime of all is that the movie is actually boring; a mere ninety minutes seemingly stretched to what felt like 2-plus hours.

    Also bothering me: why on earth was X-Men III: The Last Stand such a massive hit? Not just the question of general quality, but also the fact that it’s set in a densely self-referential world comprehensible only to dorks that read the comics as kids (cough, cough), or at least to moviegoers who happen to remember the first two installments really well. Perhaps the answer is as simple as it being a holiday weekend with no real competition in theaters, but still, it must have been off-putting and mystifying to mere mortals.

    It’s tempting to blame the whole mess on jobbing director Brett Ratner, but if Bryan Singer had still been involved, would the script have been any different?

  • J.J. Abrams’ Mission: Impossible III is preposterous and exhausting

    J.J. Abrams’ Mission: Impossible III is preposterous and exhausting

    A few disconnected thoughts on J.J. Abrams‘ Mission: Impossible III:

    I rue the day Terminator 2 (aka “T2“) came out and was a big hit; now every pre-ordained blockbuster comes abbreviated: ID4, LXG, AVP, X2, X3, and now of course M:I:III.

    Like most summer action blockbusters, M:I:III is at first enjoyably preposterous but quickly becomes exhausting. Although the plot is incredibly complex, it has no throughline to thread it all together; it’s a series of sequences.

    M:I:III is capped off with a truly terrible song by Kanye West. Of course it’s hard to top the version by U2’s rhythm section, but the producers could have covered themselves by picking somebody with a little more edge.

    Like Michael Jackson, it’s now almost impossible to watch Tom Cruise perform without his public persona coloring everything. On the other hand, he’s nothing if not intense, so perhaps that works in his favor here.

  • The Dork Report for May 25, 2006

    The Dork Report for May 25, 2006

    Star Trek, James Bond, and Harry Potter look out. (guest submission from The Visible Woman Andrea)

    Lost season finale fallout:

    Hawaii’s like, “Woot!” (no longer online: myjokemail.com/cartoons/EndOfTheWorld.shtml) (guest submission from WTF Andrea)

    Michael Brook’s long-gestating third solo album is due July 18: press release and liner notes & sample track (no longer online: bighelium.com/MichaelBrook.htm).

    Of all the pressing health issues in the world, scientists are growing rabbit dingle-dongles? (spotted on Fortean Times)

    Trade in your $20 diamond-tipped stylus for a $19,000 laser (no longer online: realtechnews.com/posts/3090). (spotted on Fortean Times)

    Legos, baby, you and me make beautiful music together (no longer online: jroller.com/page/upperdowner?entry=lego_machine_music). (spotted on Iconfactory)