Category: The Dork Report

Alarm Call: it’s time to upgrade your Björk with Surrounded.

More of the amazingly intricate DaVinci Code product placement & online marketing.

More 80’s TV trash coming to the screen with Knight Rider. Goliath gets a shout-out, but what about KARR? And how come nobody’s put together an A-Team movie? (guest submission by a shadowing flight into the dangerous world of woman who does not exist, Andrea)

I am totally loving ForteanTimes.com. I predict this will be a veritable goldmine for The Dork Report.

The BBC get’s the common man’s take [no longer online: cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/05/15/bbc.mistakenidentity.ap] on the Apple v. Apple settlement.

How can I get the job of designing a fake internet for Hollywood? (spotted on Boing Boing)

Behold! The atheist’s nightmare. Whew… for a moment there I was afraid he was going to roll a condom onto it. (guest submission by Potassium-Rich Andrea)

The Hulk’s latest foe is a 980-pound ill-demeanored Yugoslavian of similar complexion. The mental leap linking it to lesbian porn is breathtaking but (one must admit) apt. (guest submission by She-Hulk Andrea)

How many buddies do you have? Bring it!

The new Apple ads are pretty amusing, or would be if my Mac hadn’t recently died on me. Twice. More on this later.

Improv Everywhere [no longer online: improveverywhere.com.nyud.net:8090/mission_view.php?mission_id=57] invades a Manhattan Best Buy: you’re instigating our shirts! (guest submission from Dave)

Events have conspired to make today’s Dork Report the biggest ever, now with 47% more dork! A total computer failure plugged up the works, backing up dork all the way to our eyeballs.

Quotable Neil (no longer online: quotableneil.blogspot.com). Must he be so bloody clever?

Dorkbot NYC (no longer online: dorkbot.org): people doing strange things with electricity.

I knew it was coming, but I’m going to have a hard time getting used to saying Adobe Flash Player.

For those times when you really need to throw a cd hard enough to shatter it (and find a use for that big box of Legos in your parents’ basement): Lego cd thrower (spotted on Boing Boing)

Ack! Ex-Fox News pundit Tony Snow, now White House Press Secretary, went to my college! According to Time Magazine (May 8, 2006), “Snow says he was a liberal until he read Marx in college, and realized it was all indecipherable hokum.” OK, let’s parse this statement: First, if he couldn’t decipher Marx, how can he dismiss it as hokum? Second, what does comprehending (or not) Marx have to do with being a liberal? He’ll fit in nicely at the White House; celebrate ignorance!

Graphic Classics, new Penguin editions with covers by graphic artists.

The graphic designer that created (no longer online: syncmag.com/article2/0,1895,1887818,00.asp) the Apple logo did it pro bono?! Hey, at least slip the guy a Nano or something. (spotted on Kottke.org)

I like Wes Anderson’s new AmEx ad better than M. Night’s. (spotted on Kottke.org)

Ads on iTunes?! I feared the worst, but it seems it’s for ESPN podcast listeners only. Eh, they get what they deserve.

You know how I know you’re a prog-rock fan? Rumors of Asia touring. Hey, it could have been worse; it could have been GTR (no longer online: dprp.net/forgotten/gtr). (guest submission from Dave)

Cower before the Legion of Shitty Villains. (guest submission from The Evil Baroness of Doom, Andrea)

Geeks and their toys (no longer online: geekologie.com). (guest submission from Friend-to-Dorks-Everywhere Andrea)

I could have so used these on my last project (forthcoming).

Adidas’ new campaign Adicolor (no longer online: adidas.com/us/adicolor) features work by Dork Report favorites Charlie White (a bizarre photographer whom I saw speak at Semi-Permanent05 NYC; also the director of the strangely moving video for Interpol’s Evil (no longer online: colonelblimp.com/directors/charliewhite)) and Shynola (among other things, creators of Junior Senior’s Move Your Feet and Blur’s Good Song videos). Watch the films in the Podcast (iTunes link no longer online).

Pimp your e-mail like it’s 1996 with the ASCII Text Generator (guest submission from

 ______              __
/\  _  \            /\ \
\ \ \L\ \    ___    \_\ \  _ __    __     __
 \ \  __ \ /' _ `\  /'_` \/\`'__\/'__`\ /'__`\
  \ \ \/\ \/\ \/\ \/\ \L\ \ \ \//\  __//\ \L\.\_
   \ \_\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \___,_\ \_\\ \____\ \__/.\_\
    \/_/\/_/\/_/\/_/\/__,_ /\/_/ \/____/\/__/\/_/

CSS Beauty, a great web design resource I hadn’t seen before. Watch the layout rearrange itself as you resize the window. Neat!

Secretary of State, check, unlikely teen hero, check, super-hot and super-smart codebreaker, OK, fine. But who’s going to play the dog that survives as humans around him are crushed and/or incinerated by killer robots from outer space? (guest submission by Dave)

J.J. Abrams to reboot Star Trek.

Once again, the US Goverment brazenly denies science. A review by “the Institute of Medicine, a part of the National Academy of Sciences, the nation’s most prestigious scientific advisory agency”? Who needs scientists?

Pee Wee. Definitely Pee Wee. *shudder* (guest submission by Dave)

Who knew? Bush took the initiative in inventing the iPod. And now that a huge percentage of the population owns one, the Justice Department can activate the hidden Echelon II chip inside… NOW! (guest submission by Dave)

Chris Ware on the frustrations of having his elaborate comics printed & distributed. (spotted on Kottke.org)

Dorkiest. Link. Ever. [update: no longer online: x-entertainment.com/articles/0913/] Featuring Spider-Man and special guest star Agent Faces. Where do I sign up for The Mighty Marvel Marching Society? (guest submission by Your Friendly Neighborhood Andrea, with reporting by Dave)

Roll a real-world Katamari Damacy [update: no longer online: occlupanid.livejournal.com/70824.html] in San Francisco. (spotted on Boing Boing) q.v. my Katamari love letter.

The Brothers Wayan are on the offense again. These guys are a high-low concept machine!

Cute Overload (no longer online: cuteoverload.com) is so… cute, it makes my teeth hurt. Warning: the Cats ‘n’ Racks category may be not quite safe for work. (guest submission from Cute-as-a-Bug-in-a-Rug Andrea)

How can I be sure you’re not pretender? I want you to love me tender (no longer online: he.fi/video/armi_ja_danny.mpeg). Fabulous!

Childhood Renaissance (no longer online: worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=9902&display=photoshop#entries). Favorites: Noodle Van Gogh, Christo, and Wrong Wrong Wrong! (guest submission by Dave)

That’ll teach (no longer online: www.appleinsider.com/article.php?id=1672) this li’l future businesswoman of the future to think outside of the box.

Yulp… ugh… gugggh… ulp… oh god… BARF (no longer online: mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=16958010&method=full&siteid=94762&headline=exclusive–tom-chews-name_page.html)! Placentophagists may do well to look up some recipes.

Wow (again)! Watch the awesome Thank You for Smoking opening titles (no longer online: shadowplaystudio.com/smoking.html) I noted in my capsule review. Typographica heroically identifies (no longer online: typographi.com/001054.php) most of the fonts. (spotted on Kottke.org)

Prove your Biblical Scholarly mettle and expose ancient conspiracies with… little Flash puzzles: The DaVinci Code Quest on Google (no longer online: google.com/davincicode).

Doctor Who Season Two premiered on Saturday to excellent ratings, and with the neat bonus feature of a downloadable commentary track (no longer available) on the official site. Meanwhile, Season One is attracting a fraction of that audience in the US, and garnering lots of yeah-but reviews.

The prog-rock/film geek in me is scrambling to my Netflix queue: Steven Soderbergh revisits one of his earliest films in his Director’s Cut of Yes’ 9012Live.

The Doonesbury Year in Bushisms (no longer online: www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.html?uc_full_date=20060416). In other words, Bushisms from Doonesbury this year.

The Notorious Bettie Page reviews are mixed, but The New York Times raves. Two fun tidbits gleaned from the forum: Rick Klaw’s article on his grandfather Irving, and Jungle Bettie’s jungle.

Don’t look like a wineglasshole. (guest submission from Oenophile Andrea)

“It sucks to be Frodo!” The Tolkien estate is going to love this.

“I’m the &%$#ing Doctor.” Tom Baker speaks and sings (no longer online: thedoctorsays.co.uk). (spotted on Pitchfork)

Can a virtual band break up [no longer online: enjoyment.independent.co.uk/music/features/article357310.ece]? The latest Gorillaz newsletter features the following response from Murdoc: “Absolutely gobsmacking! I know whatshisface gave us a hand with the record and, yes, a great big round of applause to him and his Gorillaz ‘tribute act’ concerts in Harlem, but who the hell is this bloke to say when it’s time to pull the plugs on MY band? Seriously. And incidentally, I think I may be overstepping the mark here, but I personally can’t really see a next album for Blur. ‘Think Tank’ was probably the best album they could make, so maybe a couple of gigs in Las Vegas then I’d put the whole thing to bed. Unbelievable!”

Obligatory Snakes on a Plane updates (featuring reporting by Herpetologist Andrea):

• A goldmine of badness on Defamer [no longer online: defamer.com:80/hollywood/snakes-on-a-plane].
• Even the literary magazines are piling on.
• New Line finally catches up with the official teaser site [no longer online: snakesonaplanemovie.com]
• Robot Snakes on a Mutha%#&@in’ Plane! [no longer online: cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/04/12/snake.robot.ap]

How companies get product placement for “free.” (guest submission Sponsored by Andrea)

Watch, nay, smell The New World in Smell-O-Vision. (guest submission from Olfactorally Pleasing Andrea)

Finally! Confirmation that The Beatles are remastering their catalog! Let It Be… Naked and 1 sound nothing less than glorious… I can’t wait for the rest.

I’ve been a loyal Lost addict watcher since the very beginning, but have strangely never thought to check it out online. Just for starters (featuring reporting by But-Now-I’m-Found Andrea):

• Entertainment Weekly’s episode recaps are, well, entertaining.
• This summer brings The Lost Experience.
• Some interactive experience thing I bookmarked ages ago and forgot about. Or maybe the Dharma Initiative planted it on my computer?
• An incredible official site, so much cooler than the blah ABC site [no longer online: abc.go.com/primetime/lost]

Great Scott! The Jerry Seigel estate was awarded the copyright to Superboy [no longer online: comicbookresources.com/news/newsitem.cgi?id=7054]? As the comics industry is about as historically evil as the music industry, this is remarkable.

Doctor Who Season Two kicks off Saturday! Lots to look forward to, including even a spinoff show for kids. [no longer online: bbc.co.uk:80/doctorwho/news/cult/news/drwho/2006/04/10/31130.shtml]

A new study on gender and reading finds some shocking, shocking results: evidently men are all about “angst and Orwell… puberty reading” while women reach for either Mr. Darcy or the “slash your wrist corner.” And let’s not even get into hardcover/paperback tendencies. (guest submission by Bibliophile Andrea)

A key component in everyone’s disaster survival pack: a genuine 19th Century Vampire hunting kit [eBay listing no longer online]. (guest submission from Dave)

Brings new meaning to the phrase beer garden (no longer online: msnbc.msn.com/id/12188118). OK, but does it facilitate pollination? (guest submission from Designated Gardener Andrea)

Spammers don’t know cute (no longer online: thepcspy.com/kittenauthtest). (guest submission from Dave)

Now, this is nothing but bait for Christian Persecution Complex-ers. “We’re under attack by … [whoghk, spit!] … scientists!” (guest submission from Complex Andrea)

Compounds & Elements (no longer online: compoundsandelements.com), a new sampler from the resurgent label All Saints.

What’s the opposite of an oxymoron? Stupid comics (no longer online: misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers). If not stupid enough, pick a random link from the bottom of the page. (guest submission from Dave)

More glorious comics trash in the Gorilla Cover Gallery (no longer online: members.shaw.ca/vcofell1/myweb4/aindex.htm). (spotted on Kottke.org)

Tiktaalik roseae gots da proto-wrists, baby! Take that, ignorant Darwin-hatas!

And she’s already a star. (spotted on Boing Boing)

Skip film school and pitch your scripts to Steven Spielberg On the Lot. (guest submission from Studio Insider Andrea)

Now dorks can reach out and touch their sweeties via Bluetooth with a Hug Shirt. (guest submission from Early Adopter Andrea)

And to close with a strong contender for all-time dorkiest link: an almost-full emulation of Mac OS 7.1… in Flash! (guest submission from Dave)